Back in the old-time radio days, when people listened to comedy and drama shows on radio instead of watching them on TV, there was one show titled “Fibber McGee and Molly.”
There was an joke that carried over from show to show that involved Fibber’s junky, overflowing closet. He would mention getting something from the closet, then you’d hear this terrible sound of things falling.
Well, I have something similar to Fibber McGee’s closet. It’s my dining room table. Since I rarely have company or serve any big meals, my dining room table has become a storage space for various junk.
I had my table beautifully cleaned off a couple of years ago. That was about the time I got my puppy, Kali. Whenever Kali tried to chew anything valuable, I put it on the table, safely away from her teeth.
I soon discovered it wasn’t just shoes and socks that had to be protected from the pup. She liked to chew books, CDs, small appliances, practically anything that would fit in her mouth. I used to tell people I had the smartest dog in the world, adding: “You should see some of the books she’s eaten.”
Kali even got into math at an early age, eating several calculators. She developed an avid taste for technology – cell phones, iPods, headphones and more Bluetooth ear pieces than I like to think about.
However, it wouldn’t be fair to blame the entire table mess on Kali. There’s also junk mail to blame. When I finally reached that magic age when I could join AARP, my mail volume skyrocketed. Soon, I was receiving every insurance, Rascal scooter, timeshare and hearing aid offer imaginable. Most of that stuff goes directly to the trash without opening.
But every now and then, something comes in the mail that I might want to check into at a later date. So it goes on the table, soon to be forgotten and buried under something else.
Lately, my mailbox has been flooded with offers from cable companies, satellite TV providers and telephone bundle deals. I already have one satellite system, but I constantly get offers from the other, telling me how much better it is. The cable company mails me an offer about twice a week. All these bundle offers sound good, but there’s no way to compare them. They give a price for the first so many months, but I have to read all that small print at the bottom to figure out how high it will go up after the introduction ends. The type is usually so small, I can’t even read it, even with my reading glasses.
So all the TV offers go on my table, just in case I may get discontented with my current system. Of course, none of them let me choose the individual stations I want. They give me packages, which usually contain a few good ones, but many that I never view.
Then my table contains an array of various small boxes that purchased items, often electronics, were packaged in. Most electronic items have warranties, which often require the original box for returns. So I’d better save the boxes.
Thus, my table junk keeps growing. Every now and then, I get ambitious and throw some stuff away. I usually do that after things start sliding off the stack and onto the floor.
However, one thing that never makes it to my table is a political mailing. Sorry candidates. I may give them a quick glance, but that’s usually as I drop them in the wastebasket.
Now, where did I put that coupon I meant to save?
Jones is a Carrollton resident and reporter for the Times-Georgian.